how you can quickly resolve conflict with her
A woman reveals the truth.
That’s why I hate the self-improvement advice of:
“Go monk-mode for 12 months and don’t talk to women”
It turns you into an unsocial, lone-wolf.
It deprives you of the best growth opportunity.
“Women”
Because only women reveal your deepest wounds.
It’s like saying:
I don’t want to go to the dentist because I am scared of what he could find.
Doesn’t make sense.
Unfortunately, most men have been following this BS-advice self-improvement junk of ignoring women.
Now, they can’t handle women.
But when they finally come to senses and start dating.
And get lucky and get a girl.
Their inner Kevin comes out big time.
They are overwhelmed in every aspect of the relationship which leads to constant arguments.
And worse, they lack any tools whatsoever to diffuse the situation.
Here’s a typical scenario most men experience:
Kevin and Becky had a fight earlier, and Becky has been avoiding conversation, focusing intently on preparing dinner.
Kevin, unable to let things be, keeps pushing for a dialogue.”
Kevin: "Becky, we can't just ignore this. We need to talk about what happened."
Becky: (pissed, continuing to chop vegetables) "I said I don't want to talk right now, Kevin. I need space."
Kevin: "We can't solve anything with silence. We have to communicate."
Becky: (sighing deeply) "I know that, but I'm too angry to have a productive conversation now."
Kevin: "I can't just sit with this tension. I feel like you’re freezing me out."
Becky: (turning her head away, clearly frustrated) "I'm trying to protect this conversation from getting worse, Kevin."
Kevin: (raising his voice) "Well, it feels like you’re trying to protect yourself from this relationship! What's so hard about just talking to me?"
Becky: (finally snapping, slamming the knife down on the counter) "Enough, Kevin! Just stop pushing me! I can't handle this pressure from you constantly. I need my own time to process things!"
Kevin: (taken aback by her explosion) "Okay, okay. I... I'm sorry. We’ll talk when you’re ready."
You know what Kevin is doing wrong here?
Becky has built up a wall and Kevin tries to tear down the wall.
It looks something like this:
Kevin has no ram, no ladder and tries to tear down the walls of TROY.
Guess the odds of succeeding here?
I used to be ill-equipped in situations like this too.
I approached the situation with Logic, not emotions.
But one thing changed my life.
When I entered sales.
Ever heard this saying?
“Everyone wants to buy but no one wants to be sold to”
So, let’s make the connection to women.
Bear with me, it’s going to be a wild ride
No one likes to be told what to do.
So, when she says she doesn’t wanna talk about the THING, she doesn’t want to talk about the THING. Period.
BUT…..
Women HATE conflict.
So, she wants conflict resolved as fast as possible.
So why doesn’t she want to talk about the problem?
She wants to talk about it, but simply not in your way.
And that’s what most men don’t get.
Most Kevins RUSH the process.
They PUSH against that wall of resistance in her.
So, what’s the solution?
I call it the Hercules Horse (Yes, shamelessly stolen it from the Trojan horse)
If you cannot break down the walls, find a gate and walk through it.
Here’s what I’m teaching my guys while you are reading this email.
Essentially, whether you wanna resolve a fight or even in an approach, all you want is this:
Bring down her barriers
You do that following 3 golden Hercules rules:
Avoid unnecessary displays of incompetence
Make it easy for her to respond
Speak in emotions and empathy
She doesn’t want to talk to you because you’ll speak in facts.
She wants to speak in emotions.
So, one trick you can use when she’s angry is this:
“You seem upset”
You label her emotions.
It’s not about resolving the conflict.
You just want to open the convo.
When she opens up you can bring the element of touch in.
Hug, or slight handhold.
Again, don’t rush this.
And then, you take another step.
Another step.
Relationship communication is like dancing.
If you are clumsy it fucks the entire thing up.
Take your time and always ONE step at a time.
In order to be capable of doing this you need ONE thing:
Emotional mastery.